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  • oodles and oodles of Watchmen

    who will watch the Watchmen

    we will!  or at least i know i will. 

    building up to the film’s release in about a month, Warner Bros and Zack Snyder are releasing a bunch of promotional crap associated with the film.  i think this is great marketing and an especially good way to keep a movie within a manageable length while giving the audience great content build up. 

    take this video for example.  it’s an explanation of the Keene Act, a piece of legislation that figures quite prominently in the story but probably not worth adding five minutes onto an already 2.5+ hour film.  the story is set in the 80s when Russia first invaded Afghanistan.  i love how they made it look all cheesy and vintage. 

    here’s another similar video giving background on Dr. Manhattan, a key character in the world of the Watchmen. 

    now remember, these videos are not taken from the actual film from what i understand.  these were created as supporting videos and are intentionally releasing early to give background (and to market the film, of course.)

    now, watch this spoof trailer created by some fanboy.

  • Christian Bale – just another douchebag?

    here’s a nice audio clip of christian bale going off on his DP, after the DP walked on the set or in the background during a shoot.  either way, Bale got distracted and took it all out on the DP. 

    while we don’t know the exact surrounding circumstances, i am having trouble finding a fitting offense to warrant this kind of reaction in any work place.  especially not with these personal attacks and for over three minutes!  either fight or get on with it! 

    christian bale being a douche.

    supposedly, the filmmakers submitted this to the film’s insurance company in case Bale bails on the project mid-stream. 

    and lest you find yourself wanting for more celebrities behaving like assholes heeeeeeere’s Miley Cyrus doing the chink-eye pullback

  • the strangest thing happened last night.  i tuned in to NBC at around 6pm to watch the Superbowl.  i’m a pretty big football fan, so i was looking forward to this game.  i even invited some friends over for a pot luck and some beer drinking.  so we’re all camped out in my living room getting ready to watch a contest of champions in one of the most violent games on earth, when the weirdest thing happened.  these old men dressed in black and white striped shirts ran up and down the field, blew their whistles for about three and a half hours, nagging nagging nagging like well…. old men!  man, they were complaining about every little damn thing, even just completely making some shit up to complain about.  i think one of them even blew his whistle to complain about the air conditioning. 

    did this happen in the game you saw, too? 

    it did???  so weird right?  who let those jokers onto the field?  and security must have been feeling especially gracious because they let these clowns run around the field, stopping play, and changing the course of the year’s most important game for pretty much the duration. 

    ***

    in other news, the world has found a new standard of awesomeness.  punching koala bears in the face so hard their glasses fall off.  that’s awesome.  that just completely leap frogs the awesome concept of koala bears wearing glasses. 

    other favorite ads of mine.

    Pepsi Refresh
    Coca Cola
    Doritos
    Flowers.com
    Hulu.com

    but my favorite is punching koala bears.  “hey dummy”  careerbuilder.com

  • Movie Review Update 1/29/09

    previous reviews here.

    Frost Nixon: Watergate Interviews (1977) – clips from the original Frost/Nixon interviews that the Oscar nominated narrative film is based on.  it’s just a series of interview clips so don’t expect any drama.  if you’re interested in actually seeing Nixon speak — i thought about it and realized that i don’t think i had seen him speak before i saw this — and getting to know a former US president at one of his lowest points, have a look.  what shocked me right off the bat was how friendly and approachable he seemed.  and accommodating.  kind of surprising since he’s always been portrayed to me as a grumpy asshola.  his intelligence shines through but that’s no surprise as he’s commonly remembered as a political genius.  so if you’re interested you might give this 3 stars or more.  if not, you’ll fall asleep.

    The Thin Red Line (1998) – terrence mallick’s WW2 art film starring a huge cast of well known actors.  don’t watch this to watch a war film because even though it’s set 100% in the Pacific theater of war, its slow pace, contemplative voiceover and long shots of nearly still images, make this anything but.  i loved Mallick’s The New World, which is a similar style film, but The Thin Red Line, an earlier film is too disjointed to carry my interest for very long.  it drags its feet.  i’ll give it points for looking gorgeous and for toying with a new and very risky kind of filmmaking, but i can’t give it more than 2.5 stars

    Bigger Stronger Faster (2008) – documentary challenging the prevailing wisdom regarding steroid use.  as far as eye-opening and informative documentaries go, this is one to remember.  i think i was being naive or maybe i just never thought about it but i had no idea that steroid use was so rampant in America.  and so open!  this young filmmaker grabbed a camera and talked about how all his old heroes were busted for steroids so he did some investigating and revealed the abuse to be everywhere, even in his own family.  he has people saying some crazy stuff on camera, like his own brother admitting that he’ll probably be on steroids for the rest of his life.  it’s a ballsy film, and pretty fun to watch.  3.5 stars.

    Burn After Reading (2008) – Coen Bros.  George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Frances Mcdormand, John Malkovich, Tilda Swinton.  a return to the Coens’ sillier side following their serious and dark Oscar winner last year, No Country For Old Men.  brad pitt and frances mcdormand play two doofus gym staffers that stumble on a cd of “CIA secrets” and try to blackmail Malkovich for some money.  Pitt is great playing a role that’s right in his wheelhouse, the kooky oddball nut.  Clooney is pretty entertaining as the kooky oddball g-man.  the film is kooky and odd and entertaining enough while it was happening, but when it was over i couldn’t help but wonder… “so?”  3 stars

    American Teen (2008) – a documentary that was marketed as the real life Breakfast Club, which is true enough.  this filmmaking team followed five very different high school students through their senior year in a small town Indiana high school.  while i question some of the filmmaking/editing used here, i will admit that i was completely absorbed in the actions and thoughts of these teenagers as they navigate a seriously confusing time in their lives.  the filmmakers catch some real drama on camera, and whether this is an honest look or not — who knows what the kids are like when the cameras aren’t around — i couldn’t not watch.  personally i was surprised and appalled at different turns and that’s really much more than any documentary should have to promise.  it’s all about the kids.  4 stars

    Man On Wire (2008) – a while back this frenchy nutcase stretched a wire between the twin towers and walked across that wire several times, without a net, without a harness.  this is a documentary about that guy and that feat.  it has real interviews with the actual people involved, including said frenchy nutcase, i forget his name.  M. Petit.  i think that’s it.  and basically just retells the story of how it happened in pretty good detail, along with some re-enacted scenes and a few minutes of real footage.  a lot of people loved this movie and found it “uplifting” and all that, but i think that depends entirely on how engaged you are with M. Petit.  and i was not very.  3 stars. 

    The Band’s Visit
    (2008) – an Egyptian band lost in Israel, relies on the hospitality of Israeli strangers.  one of those culture clash type films with predictable results, but that’s not to say that it didn’t have one or two moments of interest.  3 stars. 

    Appaloosa (2008) – ed harris directed.  starring ed harris, viggo mortenson, renee zelwegger, jeremy irons.  it’s an honest to goodness western, and i generally like those.  ed harris plays a legendary law man Virgil Cole, and viggo is his bad ass sidekick lugging around an ominously humongous shotgun.  this movie is a mixed bag for me.  the good parts were really good but the bad parts were really bad.  first the bad: the campy dialogue, juvenile cliches and some weird pacing.  that’s pretty much how the movie starts, like one bad cliche.  unimaginative lines and overly simplistic settings and situations, etc.  all done in a campy way.  i had to roll my eyes.  but the good develops later on: realistic violence and interesting character development.  the gun fights, though few and far between, seem like they could really happen that way.  it surprised me when it happened even though i was expecting it.  in addition to the good spurts of violence, the characters that started so one-dimensional and stupid ended up deep and contemplative.  surprisingly so.  so, how do i reconcile these two movies, the simple first half and the deeper second half?  in this case, i can’t and that’s the filmmaker’s fault.  3 stars. 

    Step Brothers (2008) – will farrell, john c reilly.  two 40 year old loser man-children are thrown together when their parents marry each other.  you know what to expect.  it’s silly.  it’s stupid.  it can’t be taken seriously at all and you shouldn’t have any expectations.  “that was like a combination of fergie and Jesus!”  it is what it is.  silly if you’re up for it.  unwatchably dumb if you’re not.  2.5 stars. 

    The Wrestler (2008) – directed by Darren Aronofsky.  starring mickey rourke, marisa tomei.  a former pro-wrestling superstar is old, without many options, and trying to gather the pieces of his life now that his hey day is over.  i love this movie.  a lot is being said about mickey rourke’s comeback performance in this film (i guess robert downer jr. didn’t come back enough?), and it’s all justified, of course.  he’s awesome.  (and to anyone that might suggest that it’s easier for him since he lived the role already, that’s bullshit.  while having experienced similar situations in his own life might help him relate, it does not help him bring it out in an outstanding and realistic performance in front of a camera, cast and crew.  that’s like saying some actress doesn’t deserve credit for a break-up scene because she’s been in a relationship before.)  but that shouldn’t steal attention from what i think is the actual foundation and strength of the film, the fleshy and three dimensional character and the layered story that was written.  everyone here collaborated to create a full and real character with real vulnerabilities.  in addition to that, the actual story of this performer parralleling his real life with his life in the ring is ambitious and well-played since it pretty much melts into the background and subtlely controls the film.  throughout the film i couldn’t help but feel sympathetic with the wrestler.  i hurt when he hurt.  and when it was all over i couldn’t stop thinking about this film and the tragic life of the wrestler.  and it’s for these reasons that this movie should go down as an instant classic, in my book, and why i think Aronofsky, again, proves himself a genius filmmaker.  4.1 stars.  btw, i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again, Evan Rachel Wood should become one of the next great actresses. 

    Wall-E (2008) – pixar.  the earth, crushed by overflowing garbage, has been adandoned by the humans and left to be cleaned up by a mini trash compactor robot called Wall-E.  wall-e strikes up a relationship with the slick, ass-kicking probe robot sent to earth, EVA, and together they try to save the planet.  the end.  ha!  actually there’s more to it than that.  in addition to being an attack of excessive and irresistable robot cuteness, the film is also a direct social commentary satirizing our increasingly obese and lazy culture.  (which reminds me of an unknown and underrated film from a few years ago called Idiocracy)  but really it’s mostly about really cute robots.  4 stars. 

  • God Bless America

    and the internet!

    you know how the ecomony is all in the shitter but everyone still rants on and on about how the American worker is still very productive and creative and all that.  (john mccain said it and lost the election because of it)  personally, i thought that was all just a load of hot air.  until now that is. 

    this was in the nytimes today.  behold!  creativity of excess that can only be described as America.

    The Bacon Explosion

    2 pounds thick cut bacon
    2 pounds Italian sausage
    1 jar of your favorite barbeque sauce
    1 jar of your favorite barbeque rub

    pardon me while i clean out the cholesterol that built up in my eye as i looked at this picture. 

  • after so many years of feeling cynical about government, feeling like the country has been hijacked,  feeling the shame of living through the worst presidency in the history of the united states, feeling like american fundamentalists were dialing back progress, feeling like a beggar locked out of the bank while the bank was being robbed by the people that managed it, feeling like every word out of the president’s mouth was a naked lie, feeling powerless to stop any of it, is it ok to hope again? 

    it’s not proper to be so negative during a time that should be marked by excited optimism, i understand.  but i think it’s important to remind myself exactly what i am excited for.  as i see it today, the final day of his presidency, bush was that poor a president.  and because of this, tomorrow, the inauguration of Barack Obama will be that exceptional to me.

    it is ok to hope again.  the haters and contrarians will try to minimize the experience and call it “trendy”.  they’ll label it a flash in the pan, a wholesale acceptance of fluffy, feel-good nonsense with no basis in reality.  but i say that if the end result is the motivation of the people, then the reality has already been created.  what started as fluff is now concrete and measurable: the people are motivated.  the people feel united.  the people believe in the country.

    of course, this can change as quickly as the next news cycle.  things will inevitably look bleak again.  but the difference between future bleakness and past bleakness will be us having the memory of tomorrow to draw strength from.  anytime after tomorrow, we can all look back on the inauguration and remember what it felt like to be united and to hope together.  i think we as a country forgot what it was like to do that for a while, and that made the future look hopeless to some.  but we have it back now, i think.  we have the roadmap. 

    so, today and tomorrow, i am totally giving in to all this touchy feely inauguration admiration.  i look back at how bad it was, and how good it could be and i can’t help but participate with the rest of the country, with you.  the next few years will probably be somewhere in between but any step up is a positive step, a welcome one, right?  so, let’s all hold hands and if anyone has a guitar i’m down for some kumbaya action.  tomorrow is going to be the first of many better days, jerkies.  let’s do this!  

  • ok so one thing about that giant plane landing in the hudson river yesterday.  i know that spot where it landed and it’s really close to a very active ferry crossing between NY and NJ.  like there’s almost always at least two or four ferries actively crossing at any given time at that spot in that river.  did the plane stop just short of the ferry crossing lanes?  did the ferries see the plane coming and get out of the way in time?  (unlikely)  did the plane hit right at the moment that all the ferries were docked and loading passengers? 

    so the ferries were dodged yet they were close enough to save everyone from the freezing water before the plane sank…

    whatever the answer is, it’s all very very lucky. 

    ***

    on another note, this Beyonce song If I Were a Boy…  i have no idea how old it is.   i caught it on an SNL rerun so i have to assume it’s been a few months already.  it’s a great song!  there’s such a tangible sadness and disappointment in almost every aspect of it.  and it’s quite a catchy tune.

    (beyonce’s hot.)

  • Dear Stock Market,

    things are bad today.  they were bad yesterday.  they will be bad tomorrow.  stop throwing tantrums like some melodramatic school girl who just got dumped on prom night every time there’s some bad news!  you should have known this was coming.  you’re freaking me out a little here! 

    -MM

    *****

    now on to extremely important matters. 

    gripes i have about the NY Giants’ late season slide:
    -  if brandon jacobs (BJ) (*snicker*) is occasionally ripping 10+ yard runs on first down when they stack the line against him, why are you pulling him on third down?  who cares if he can’t catch and run.  feed him the rock!  the man is a beast!
    -  antonio pierce is the new james butler.  every big play they gave up to deangelo williams and brian westbrook went through or around pierce.  he’s slow as hell and consistently gets blown up by guards, tackles, running backs, tight ends, quarterbacks, punters, dirty looks and probably his girlfriend.  someone start him on a productive combination growth hormone and crack cocaine regimen or cut his belly-popping, crime-covering, westbrook-chasing ass. 
    -  the hixon that played so well when he was replacing the injured plaxico burress…  who was that guy?  the one that got open and made catches when plax was on the sidelines.  i miss him.  because the hixon that replaced the suspended plax is a shadow of a true NFL wide receiver.  someone feed that boy some milk and cookies.
    -  giants pass rush?  minus strahan and osi, the giants were still sack monsters early on.  wtf happened???  tuck has bone spurs.  honestly. i don’t know what that means nor how it feels, but he looked like he had a lot more wrong with him than bone shits in his feet.  he looked like he was suffering morning sickness or something.
    -  Kevin Gilbride…  i’d like to punch your fat moustachioed face, you dumb bastard.  go to Oakland on the express train, motherfucker.  constantly throwing in high speed swirling winds when eli clearly can’t handle it…. why?  why?  WHY??? 
    -  eli, wtf, man…

    things i like about the 2008 season:
    -  Shockey who?  his catches are replaced by Boss and Steve Smith.  his fighting spirit is replaced by Jacobs.   and none of them come with the diva baggage.  good riddance. 
    -  the offensive line.  good job.
    -  the development of the DB core.   ross and philips are developing nicely and webster is breaking out (sometimes). 
    -  fred robbins.  that crazy fat bastard played with two broken hands.  it was only when he injured his shoulder too that he was pulled from playing.  no one runs on that tank!
    -  without Strahan, Osi, Kawika Mitchell, and Shockey for the entire season and minus BJ, Robbins and Plax for major chunks of the season, these super bowl champions didn’t do too poorly. 

  • Songs of 2008

    here are some awesome songs i heard in 2008.  i’m not really sure when their actual release dates were.  thank you, dirtyprettythings01, for the idea.

    California Dreamer by Wolf Parade – this song crept up on me.  one might say…. like a wolf?
    Falling Without Knowing by Tilly and the Wall
    Kim and Jessie by M83  – very 80s and apparently has an awesome video
    My Shadow by Jay Reatard  – punk.
    Paperhouse by The Delta Fiasco  – also 80s-ish but more the NIN type than the new wavey type. 
    Time to Pretend by MGMT
    Australia by The Shins
    Bitches in Tokyo by Stars
    Half Asleep by School of Seven Bells (SVIIB)
    Victoria by Jukebox the Ghost  – strange but…  catchy.
    The Alternative by IAMX – yeah not the most pleasant video to watch…

  • i’m working on a list of my favorite films of 2008, but i’m waiting to see a few more stragglers before i actually compile the list.  it doesn’t help that these load-blowers stacked all the oscar-hopefuls to the very end of the calendar year, making it nearly impossible to see all the contenders on any reasonable schedule.  where are these douchebags between February through May when we’re stuck with crap like Adam Sandler movie #9021389230929823409283, 9021389230929823409284 and 9021389230929823409285??? 

    luckily, this year had a somewhat staggered release schedule due in no small part to the fact that some of the best films released in america this year were foreign language films that have no shot in hell of getting a major oscar.  oh you foolish Academy.

    here’s a pre-emptive response to some of you dorks that will inevitably respond to “My Favorites” list with comments that start with “you forgot [insert name of film here].”  i did not forget.  i either never saw it, or i didn’t like it as much as you did.  the films i probably won’t see anytime soon, but might get some consideration based on what i’m hearing: JCVD, Happy Go Lucky, The Reader, Revolutionary Road, Doubt, Frost/Nixon, Milk, Rachel Getting Married, Synecdoche, NY, My Winnipeg, Dear Zachary.

    ****

    on another note, here’s my resolution for 2009….  sike!  nothing.  i have no goals for 2009.  suck it.