January 14, 2009

• Dear Stock Market,

  things are bad today.  they were bad yesterday.  they will be bad tomorrow.  stop throwing tantrums like some melodramatic school girl who just got dumped on prom night every time there’s some bad news!  you should have known this was coming.  you’re freaking me out a little here! 

  -MM

  *****

  now on to extremely important matters. 

  gripes i have about the NY Giants’ late season slide:
  -  if brandon jacobs (BJ) (*snicker*) is occasionally ripping 10+ yard runs on first down when they stack the line against him, why are you pulling him on third down?  who cares if he can’t catch and run.  feed him the rock!  the man is a beast!
  -  antonio pierce is the new james butler.  every big play they gave up to deangelo williams and brian westbrook went through or around pierce.  he’s slow as hell and consistently gets blown up by guards, tackles, running backs, tight ends, quarterbacks, punters, dirty looks and probably his girlfriend.  someone start him on a productive combination growth hormone and crack cocaine regimen or cut his belly-popping, crime-covering, westbrook-chasing ass. 
  -  the hixon that played so well when he was replacing the injured plaxico burress…  who was that guy?  the one that got open and made catches when plax was on the sidelines.  i miss him.  because the hixon that replaced the suspended plax is a shadow of a true NFL wide receiver.  someone feed that boy some milk and cookies.
  -  giants pass rush?  minus strahan and osi, the giants were still sack monsters early on.  wtf happened???  tuck has bone spurs.  honestly. i don’t know what that means nor how it feels, but he looked like he had a lot more wrong with him than bone shits in his feet.  he looked like he was suffering morning sickness or something.
  -  Kevin Gilbride…  i’d like to punch your fat moustachioed face, you dumb bastard.  go to Oakland on the express train, motherfucker.  constantly throwing in high speed swirling winds when eli clearly can’t handle it…. why?  why?  WHY??? 
  -  eli, wtf, man…

  things i like about the 2008 season:
  -  Shockey who?  his catches are replaced by Boss and Steve Smith.  his fighting spirit is replaced by Jacobs.   and none of them come with the diva baggage.  good riddance. 
  -  the offensive line.  good job.
  -  the development of the DB core.   ross and philips are developing nicely and webster is breaking out (sometimes). 
  -  fred robbins.  that crazy fat bastard played with two broken hands.  it was only when he injured his shoulder too that he was pulled from playing.  no one runs on that tank!
  -  without Strahan, Osi, Kawika Mitchell, and Shockey for the entire season and minus BJ, Robbins and Plax for major chunks of the season, these super bowl champions didn’t do too poorly. 

  • 12:12 pm
  • 2 Comments