February 27, 2009

• thanks for all the tips about clearing up my GI tract yesterday, but the problems aren’t really intestinal from what i can figure out without a self-cat scan machine.  it’s all in the belly.  food goes in, expands and rumbles around for a few hours then i get distended belly and it starts sounding like a greek wedding in there complete with crashing dinnerware.  that goes on without end.  it’s actually a little better today, but we’ll see how it goes when i try to eject it all out my arse this afternoon.

  ***

  so i’m at this bar….  i introduce myself to some girl sitting next to me then immediately turn my back to her since right when we said hi to each other this guy who is apparently her date sits right between us.  i figure “nice one” and just start looking elsewhere.  after like twenty minutes the guy is gone and the girl out of nowhere starts talking to me saying something long and with many words, but i can’t seem to understand what the hell she’s saying because i’d been struck retarded by johnnie walker.  i see her mouth moving but i’m like “what?  i understood like every third word you just said.”  then i clearly hear “take my number.  call me later.” 

  drunk me: “what?  ok.  why?”  as in why can’t we talk right now instead of later. 
  her:  “just take my number and call me later!” 

  and i pretty much do whatever pretty girls tell me to do, so i’m like ok, take her number then start ignoring her again because the guy is back and is definitely giving me stink eye. 

  so i call her on monday.  i tell her who i am.  she says “ohhhhh hi.  what’s up?”  slick me, i’m like “what’s up….  you gave me your number and told me to call you.”  her immediate response: “i’m really busy right now.  i just walked in the door and have to make dinner.  can i call you later?”  “cool.”

  that was monday.  the end. 

  i win!

  • 9:31 am
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