August 19, 2004
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having nothing to write may be symptomatic of having nothing in the brain. which is symptomatic of my brain damage. which is a result of many things including poisoning my blood, depriving my body of oxygen, having a brainless job that i hate, spending hours at a time randomly surfing the net, having severely cut down the number of people that i regularly speak with and a bunch of other stuff.
i dunno. what is it. nothing seems interesting anymore. music and movies are all ok. people are decidedly un-interesting. i still love food but how much i love food now is almost creepy. i think i over-compensate for my lack of enthusiasm for just about everything by getting insanely psyched when i’m about to eat a good meal. you should see me. i become a fidgeting and blabbering mess. using untensils is a challenge because i usually just want to rip into the food, face first. it’s all i can do to keep the drool from pouring out my mouth.
i feel like reese witherspoon when they first hit Pleasantville. everything is gray. know what i mean? now, everything really could be gray and sucky or i could just be in a bad patch. if i AM in a bad patch, am i driven there by the fact that everything lost its flavor? because everything is gray and sucky? or is it just a matter of perception. or is this just a cyclical thing? you know. yin/yang nonsense. i think need a boost in brain neurotransmitter activity among other things.
i need a strong and unbendable addiction to something. an addiction should teach me desire and the bliss of satiety. i need to start smoking crack. right away.
Comments (11)
i’m all about picking up detrimental hard to drop vices! kidding, sorta. but yeah, i love food too. people are amazed at how much i talk about food. if we are having a discussion and there is a silence, i’ll break the silence with something to do with food. food rocks… talking about good food, bad food, favorite foods, restaurants i’ve been to, restaurants to go to, gotdam i’m hungry.
i totally hear ya. i go through that every few times a year. hopefully you can snap out of it.
my addiction is smoking. terrible, i really need to quit.
caught you on featured.
well, honestly, you need God
…oO crack? are you sure you need drugs? lol props. saw you on featured.
i know what you need. some RaNdOm PrOpZ yo!
i think it’s just you.
well, not JUST you. i totally know what you mean by the gray. except, at least in pleasantville, everything was pleasant…
if you’re not happy, nothing’s going to be happy.
u know that saying… you’re only as happy as you decide to be.
sorry if that made u cringe
no.
bad idea. smoking crack will just turn you against your new best friend, the food, (and probably everyone else in your life), and make you icky-sicky skinny and (more) depressed than before you started. come to think of it… getting married has the same effect… neato! i suggest you plan a vacation; something to look forward to; something to research and get excited about. so place with lotsa technicolor! say… honolulu!
eat a big mack meal. the #1 will fucking make you feel fucking #1
i don’t know what time you get up in the morning, but by the time the sun shines into my room I’m way gone. You can also buy some dark curtains to remedy that problem.
Where as the afternoon sun prepares my room nice and hot just for the time i come home from work.
mMm. crack…