because i can’t or won’t think of anything to write and who gives a shit what i say anyway

i’ve been getting paid the same as always, but my bank account is dwindling anyway.  do i count as a victim of this economic downturn?  i think so.  i need a bailout because i’m clearly too important to let die. 

***

i go pretty regularly to this one bar and chat up some of the staff sometimes.  some of them know me by name, others by face.  i usually talk to this one girl that works there and chat it up for one or two sentences just to say hi and stuff.  now i should tell you that i go to this place often and rarely ever leave sober.  more often than not, i am completely hammered by the time the lights come on and i shuffle out the door, and she sees me in this state pretty much all the time. 

so, i’m talking to this girl about whatever and somehow it comes up that working there has made this girl hate drunk people.  and when i ask some questions about it she looks me dead in the eye and says “THEY ALL ACT LIKE ASSHOLES AND THEY FUCKING DISGUST ME.”  or something to that effect…  then she storms off. 

err…  sorry?

not sure what i did, if anything, or even if she was directly addressing the offender (though part of me thinks she might have been), but i felt like a little boy when she said that and i started feeling all guilty for all the times i’ve been a douche while drinking.  i don’t remember being rude to her specifically, but who the hell knows.  when i thought i was just saying hello, i could have been staring straight down into her cleavage in my drunken stupor, spilling my drink onto her chest or something.  even if i wasn’t a douche to her, i am 100% positive that i’ve been a douche to someone when i’ve been drunk, probably because i was drunk.

so, here’s my pre-new years resolution.  be a nicer person when drunk. 

(there’s pretty much no hope for the non-drunk version of me, so i won’t even try.)

i have a theory about this whole Plaxico Burress incident.  in case you live under a rock or something, last friday night the star wide receiver for the New York Giants accidentally shot himself in the leg while fumbling with an illegal handgun at a new york nightclub.  was it the Post or the Daily News that had the headline “GIANT IDIOT”?

so the story is that Plaxico tucked a loaded Glock into his sweatpants waistband and walked into a new york club with fellow Giants Antonio Pierce and Ahmad Bradshaw.  while they were being walked to the VIP section, the gun started slipping or something and Burress, while trying to recover the falling gun, pulled the trigger and shot himself. 

several items of note.  i heard John Stewart say something about the gun safety being turned off.  from what i remember from my very few times handling Glocks at firing ranges, Glocks have an internal safety, not an external switch.  there’s a tiny plastic sliver on the trigger that acts as the safety ensuring that the gun discharges only when the trigger is squeezed.  gun people, correct me if i’m wrong, please.  so, no, he did not walk around with the safety off, if that’s worth anything, though i doubt it.

also, isn’t this motherfucker supposed to be an NFL wide receiver???  don’t wide receivers have exceptionally dexterous, skillful and sure hands?  how does this very successful, ace receiver, who’s made some ridiculous circus catches in his career fumble a gun and pull the trigger?  this part of the story — assuming this story is true — can’t be argued against.  the results are clear.  he’s the one with the bullet hole in his leg.  he fumbled the ball, dropped the pass, whatever you want to call it.  he failed.  it’s like Michael Milken counting the wrong change at the cashier except with much worse consequences. 

but here’s a thought i had the other day.  if you follow the Giants at all, doesn’t it strike you as a bit uncharacteristic of Plax to be walking around with a gun, all thug life and shit?  i know he talks all mush mouth like some ghetto alien, but i never got the thug vibe from him.  i always had the impression that his primary disposition was “…  ho hum.  so what.  i don’t give a shit so you shouldn’t give a shit.”  detached and laid back, just not caring either which way.  whereas someone with a loaded gun on the other hand definitely does care.  a little too much, you know?  also, who the hell tucks a gun into his sweatpants?   John Stewart made fun of this too.  have you ever held a loaded gun?  that shit is heavy!  why would you wear sweats knowing you’re going to have to tuck in this giant hunk of volatile metal around in there? 

so, with that in mind, this scenario popped into my head: that gun wasn’t Plax’s gun.  it was his thug friend’s gun.  since he’s not the type to be carrying a gun, and since he wasn’t dressed to be carrying a gun, i propose that he wasn’t thinking about carrying a gun when he got ready to go clubbing that night.  i think some punk said “yo plax, they won’t search you.  you carry this shit in for me.”  and since Plax is all ho-hum he was like “ya aite.”  then, slip, grab, bang, ouch!, you’re fired!  and Plax is taking all the blame.  still an idiot nontheless.

i can live without Plax, but Antonio Pierce on the other hand…  WTF???  this motherfucker carried the gun out of the club and stashed it?  wtf, man.  he’s the defensive captain of the New York Giants!!!  not some teenage runaway hooker who just killed a john.  idiota!

Danny Boyle’s (Trainspotting, 28 Days Later, Sunshine) latest film Slumdog Millionaire is getting rave rave rave reviews.  it’s good.  but not awesome.  and i think Let The Right One In is better.  personally, i think the trailer, which was instrumental in piqueing my interest, suffers the sin of revealing too much.  i absolutely hate that. 

one very interesting point here though is that Slumdog Millionaire is a film set in India, about Indian people, about Indian things, with nary a white folk to be found yet i saw it on a screen in america.  first, we elect a black president then we show movies about india in american theaters.  things are changing, yo! 

anyways, back to the trailer thing.  apparently, Gene Siskel, of Siskel and Ebert fame, refused to watch any trailers.  i forget what the reasoning was, but i’m sure we can guess why and i think i can relate to some degree.  but at the same time, i’m not a world famous film critic who gets ushered to film screenings specifically scheduled for my viewing.  i rely on trailers to find out about these films, and more importantly, to develop a first opinion about them.  plus, they’re just fun as hell.  remember that trailer for 300?  goodness, i must have jacked off to that thing like 300 times. 

but if i see another jailbreak film trailer featuring the climactic jailbreak scene (Shawshank), right in plain view, months before i see the film?  i’m going to be frikking stabbing someone in their soft parts.  (and if you’ve never seen Shawshank and i just ruined the ending for you…  HA!  but honestly, if you waited this long, were you really ever going to see it anyway?)  that being said, what am i going to do?  NOT watch them?  that’s just crazy talk. 

whatever, just watch Slumdog Millionaire.  even though it’s definitely not “Danny Boyle’s greatest work” like some apparently insane people are proclaiming, it still really is a good film and fun to watch.  also, small, foreign, asian films need your support! 

if you, like me, are working today, here is your reward: some decent time killing movie trailers. 

Adoration by Atom Egoyan, the guy that made THE SWEET HEREAFTER
Astro Boy
Revolutionary Road by Sam Mendes, the guy that made AMERICAN BEAUTY and JARHEAD
Coraline by Henry Selick – the guy that made THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS (i always assumed tim burton directed this?  guess not.)  anyway, this looks twice as awesome as Nightmare. 
Nothing But The Truth – i put this trailer up even though i have some reservations about Kate Beckinsale and Matt Dillon in lead roles, especially the craptastic Dillon.  it also has so many obvious references to recent issues that it seems too gimmicky, but still it might work.
Frost/Nixon
Watchmen (new!)
O’Horten
Monsters vs. Aliens
Fanboys (awesome!)
The Class – winner of the Palm D’Or at Cannes
Timecrimes – be sure to wait until after the other trailer to see this trailer.  silly, isn’t it? 
Gran Torino – if it’s directed by clint eastwood, you know it’s going to involve some moral grayness, a somber pace and tone and will do everything short of slicing onions under your face to try and make you cry at some point. 
Wendy and Lucy
Defiance
Sunshine Cleaning
Two Lovers – this might be your last chance to see Joaquin Phoenix in a movie.  he’s retiring from acting and this is his last film.  click the link and click “acces direct” in the upper right hand corner then wait until after the initial trailer finishes. 
The Brothers Bloom – from the guy that made BRICK, a movie i love. 
Taken by Luc Besson
Duplicity by Tony Gilroy, the guy that made MICHAEL CLAYTON
Star Trek

damn you people.  entertain me.

it’s 3pm on the day before a holiday and i really don’t feel like starting any new work, but you’re not fucking helping with your shut up-edness. 

thanksgiving’s cool and all, but where the hell are this year’s Oscar contenders?  thanksgiving through new years is usually littered with the films studios hold back in hopes of boosting their oscar chances.  this year we get… MILK?  and AUSTRALIA?  really?  did i miss something here?  san francisco’s gay rights mayor and the a baz luhrman film, which right off the bat has a seizure causality factor of ten judging by his previous films ROMEO AND JULIET and MOULIN ROUGE?  the Che Guevara biopic is releasing in December but i’d already like to take a fat wet dump in its open mouth for some reason. 

that leaves…  THE WRESTLER. 

i could pretty much talk non-stop about the great small films Pi and Requiem for a Dream.  in fact i’ve been droning on and on about them for several years now.  fantastic little films of constant energy and, yes, unhappiness to say the least.  Requiem has by far one of the most unsettling yet fitting endings i can think of off the top of my head.  those are Darren Aronofsky films and qualify as masterpieces in my book.  he stretched himself too thin when he tried to make The Fountain, but not too far, imo.  it’s not a great film but still deserving of credit for trying because he really attempted to make an epic film, in every sense, with limited resources.  the result could have been much much worse.

all three of those films had an extremely edgy soundtrack and a dizzying visual flashiness about them that made the films complete sensual experiences.  the first two, Pi and Requiem, were so quick paced and emotionally jarring that they felt like action thrillers.  The Fountain had a more subdued pace but was no less technically advanced, i think.  from what i can tell, Aronofsky’s next film THE WRESTLER is going to be less about the techno-whiz-banginess though and more about the human stories, something unfairly overlooked in his previous films.  this is new territory for him and i’m uncontrollably excited to see the results.

i’m also excited to see what some people are calling a mini-revival performance for a once hugely promising actor, Mickey Rourke.  it might seem hard to believe now, but Rourke was on the short list for the next great actors way back then.  this loser nobody on tv named Bruce Willis was accused of being the poor man’s Mickey Rourke.  can you believe that?  i’m not sure when it happened but Rourke took a complete fucking nosedive into insanity shortly after his quick rise.  and it’s painfully obvious that he started roiding up somewhere in that span of craziness to make his face all disfigured and barry bonds-esque.  check him out here in DINER.  see if you can recognize him.  crazy right?  anyway, it would be cool if he could pull a John Travolta a la PULP FICTION and show the world that he’s still useful in front of the camera.  seeing as how the film’s story, a washed up pro wrestler is dealing with lost fame and a fucked up life of maturity, probably exactly mirrors Rourke’s own personal life at some point, i don’t see why he shouldn’t kill this role and get some recognition.  we’ll see though.  he’s still a fucking nutcase. 

THE WRESTLER is also co-starring Marisa Tomei, who plays a stripper friend of Rourke’s, and Evan Rachel Wood, someone who will only become a bigger and bigger star — mark my words.  repeat: Marisa Tomei.  stripper.  run, don’t walk. 

watch the trailer here.  it’s not flashy but i am simply starved for some Aronofsky.  are you nearly as excited as i am? 

watching a good indie film like Let The Right One In always gets me thinking about how much fun i have seeing good films from unexpected places.  even if there’s some hype around an unknown film (is that a contradiction?), you never really know the source and sometimes hype just kills the enjoyment of certain things, so it turns me off slightly.  then you walk in with these guarded yet hopeful expectations and they get completely creamed by a shockingly fun film-watching experience.  it’s like finding $20 in an old pair of jeans.

so anyway, i noticed a long time ago that the source of that kind of fun is almost always a film that’s off the radar and far far away from the studio system.  i mean can you imagine what a US studio would have done with an incurably grotesque yet beautiful film like Oldboy*?  lame.  that’s not to say that studio films suck by definition.  for instance, i doubt an indie filmmaker could have done shit with Raiders of the Lost Ark, one of the greatest films of all time.  but especially lately, i think the best and most creative talent out there exists before these filmmakers get polished up and dulled by the studio money and so i like to draw water from outside the studio wells. 

here is a list of some of the best indie films i’ve ever seen.  some of these films were made by current household names, but remember that they started somewhere.  the current indie standard is something like “any film made for under $5M”  some say $7M.  i don’t know about you, but that sounds fucking ridiculous to me considering exactly what $5M can buy.  so i separated the really cheap indie films from the films that make the $5M cut but are a little more polished (and expensive) than their true indie brethren. 

The Blair Witch Project (1999) – this film is the soul of guerilla filmmaking, man.  isolate one really good (cheap) idea, take a cheap ass camera and shoot a great film.  and this particular film’s genius was its marketing campaign that convinced first-timers that the film was real footage about some missing kids.  brilliant!  ( budget < $40,000)

The Believer (2001) – ryan gosling’s breakthrough role.  he’s simply fantastic here as a jewish skinhead (chew on that for a while), but that shouldn’t overshadow the brilliance of the script and one of the most complex and fascinating characters i’ve ever seen. (budget: $1.5M)

Pi (1998) – darren aronofsky is a creatively genius filmmaker.  sometimes he misses the mark like with The Fountain but you can clearly see that this guy has awesome ideas and he swings for the fences even when he doesn’t always succeed completely.  all that potential is evident in Pi, a film he made for pennies.  i have constant ants in my pants anticipating the release of his latest film The Wrestler coming next month.  (budget $60,000)

Welcome to the Dollhouse (1995) – an awesome “school life sucks” type film, this one by perpetual downer Todd Solondz.  i’m not sure there’s a film out there that can so ably caricature the pain of being unpopular in school.  shit rolls downhill, man, and if you’re at the bottom, you eat it all.  not a great topic for a studio film but stuff like this is what indie films knock out of the park, and this is one of the best examples.  (budget: < $1M)

Reservoir Dogs (1992) – hopefully this film doesn’t need introduction.  Tarantino’s first and most raw film, bursting at the seams with ferocity.  (budget $1.2M)

El Mariachi – Robert Rodriguez made this film for like 80 cents and a pack of twinkies.  seriously, this movie is legendary for how cheaply he made it, and it all comes together, albeit a little roughly.  i’ll cut him some slack though since he apparently edited his first cut on a fucking VCR.  can you believe that shit?  (budget $7,000)  that’s not a typo. 

Swingers (1996) – “who’s the big winner here?  mikey.  mikey’s the big winner.”  (budget $250,000)

Mean Streets (1973) – Scorsese’s first.  starring some unknown named Robert Deniro.  totally raw and unpolished and a great indicator of the legend these two guys would become.  (budget $300,000)

Brick (2005) – take the heart and soul of a 50′s noir crime film and stick it into a modern day high school.  the strange, dark and twisted Twin Peaks-ish world this guy came up with is simply brilliant.  (budget: $450,000)

Sling Blade (1996) – billy bob thornton’s indie masterpiece about a retarded man newly released from prison and the world of good and bad he finds himself dropped into.  a great example of a strong script, no nonsense production style, excellent acting and exactly how far all that with a strong story can take you.  (budget $1M)

now here are the films that cost a little more and are a little bit more polished so lose a bit of that “indie feel”, but hell they’re still awesome and made for much less money outside the studio system as far as i know.

Trainspotting (1996) – i remember when i first saw this film in the theaters i was in a big group and i had the seat next to one of the prettiest girls i’ve ever met to this day.  but who gives a shit because this movie was awesome! (budget 3.5M british pounds)

City of God (2002) – still one of the best films of the decade, imo.  (budget $3.3M)

Requiem for a Dream (2000) – powerful powerful stuff.  did i mention that i can’t wait for The Wrestler?  (budget $4.5M)

Memento (2000) – backwards sequencing.  a gimmick?  most of the time, yes, but not so here.  here’s it’s just a creative way to tell an impossible story and it’s a story told with such a skillful hand.  Christopher Nolan…  <—- da man.  (budget $4.5M)

Rocket Science (2007) – the guy that made that awesome spelling bee documentary Spellbound, makes a feature film about a high school stutterer who has a crush on the debate team star.  great great film about high school awkwardness and that lost feeling of wanting to figure out what the fuck is going on.  *sigh*  high school sucked.  (budget: $6M)

Lost in Translation (2003) – sophia coppola is for real and this film should be sufficient evidence to make that point.  it’s beautiful, restrained, and has a soul.    (budget $4M)

* -  if you haven’t heard, there is talk that Speilberg and Will Smith are in talks to collaborate on the Oldboy remake.  at Smith’s insistence, the I Am Legend screenwriter is committed to write it. 
**UPDATE** – the Spielberg/Smith Oldboy will be based on the original source material japanese manga, NOT the film.  park chan wook’s film is based on the japanese manga of the same name about a guy imprisoned for 15 years then released by his captors.  my understanding is that the film’s sourcing of the manga ends there.  the twists and revenge plots and theme are original to the film, not the manga.  so, spielberg isn’t trying to remake the film after all.

so, it’s been a few days and the fact that it’s constantly on my mind is a pretty good indication that LET THE RIGHT ONE IN is pretty strong in my book.  it’s not rare that i develop these “movie-crushes”.  (souxie, were you mentioning something about movie-crushes a while ago?)  i think my latest crush was on SUNSHINE and to a lesser degree THE DARK KNIGHT.  again, not rare and definitely not a sure-fire sign that this film will stand the test of time and become an instant classic for me, but it’s a strong indicator.  when this happens, i have an insatiable appetite for any information about the film, filmmaker, stars, etc.  basically my work day is shot as i sit upright, with my face about three inches from the screen, following the moving arrow as it rapid fire clicks through every available link about the film.  if the movie were a woman, there would be a court order against me. 

these episodes of mania sometimes fizzle into nothing a month later, but for the most part i think the attraction is still there years later.  whether it ultimately turns out to be worth all this attention is still up in the air, as i can’t think very straight right now.  at the very least, though, i think it’s the kind of movie that doesn’t get much attention at the box office but, in a perfect world, should.  it’s so…  risky and unconventional.  that’s not to say that weird things should be rewarded just because they’re weird…  (the talking dogs of Beverly Hills Chihuahua, in their seventh week, make $1.5mill last weekend.  *shakes head*  how in the bloody hell….)  and that’s not to say that this film is perfect (the actor that plays the young boy is a little wooden for my tastes, kind of like Patrick Fugit in ALMOST FAMOUS.)  but i wish hollywood would spend a noticable fraction of its effort on reaching out to new and unknown talent like this film’s collaborators.  and i wish america had an appetite for it. 

wake up, america!  there’s a world of mesmerising, dark and pretty things out there! 

previous reviews here.

Taxi to the Dark Side (2007) – winner of the Best Documentary Oscar last year.  an outline of the US policy on torture.  yet another bead on this endless string of activist documentaries, a la Michael Moore, against America’s questionable approach to war.  this one is all about our practice of torture as a means of getting information.  unlike a Moore doc, this one isn’t funny at all, nor should it be.  like a Moore doc, it’s clear the filmmakers had a conclusion and built their film around that conclusion.  that’s not to say that it’s not informative, if not completely trust-worthy, and like another worthy film of the same genre No End In Sight, is well made and probably worth your attention.  4 stars.

The Incredible Hulk (2008) – the somewhat notorious Ed Norton re-launch.  bruce banner aka The Hulk, a scientist victim of his own experimentation, is on the run from the US Army.  it’s that simple.  i call this latest rendition of the hulk somewhat notorious because supposedly Ed Norton was involved with the screen-writing process until one day he just locked the door and shut out the original writer completely.  the results are…  not great.  an overly simplistic story, one-dimensional characters, crappy CGI and mostly boring and predictable action sequences all combine to doom this iteration of The Hulk right alongside the others on the “watch only if you run across it on cable” category.  Mr. Norton, please stick to your extended ranting monologues.  2 stars.

Pierrot Le Fou (1965) – made by Godard, the legendary french new wave director.  watching this was another attempt of mine to “get”, if not enjoy, something from the french new wave or yappy-thetical old school euro genre in general.  and let me tell you, friend, watching this one was no less a chore than watching the others.  it’s my second Godard (Contempt was the first), and equally boring to me.  this guy is bored as hell with his life when he reunites with someone from his past and they disappear to together on some strange killing spree and he needs a lot of book to read or some shit or other.  i don’t know.  i don’t get it.  i don’t like it.  it’s boring and seems quite in love with itself.  1 star.

Thumbsucker (2005) – indie film about this awkward teenage boy who still sucks his thumb.  some indies work.  this one does not.  relying on its cast of notables (Vincent Donofrio, Tilda Swinton, Keanu Reeves, Benjamin Bratt) this coming of age story about a berated high school dork has one or two moments of tenderness, but mostly it’s just a series of uesless, time-killing musical montages.  2 stars. 

The Fall (2006) – directed by Tarsem (formerly known as Tarsem Singh.  i swear to God he calls himself by one name now.)   personally i think he’s a visual genius.  he directed the REM video for Losing My Religion, which i love, and the vapid, yet visually amazing flop The Cell.  this film is about an injured young girl in an infirmary who befriends a fellow patient, an actor who tells her fanastic stories in order to trick her into doing things for him.  it’s during these tales of fantasy that Tarsem really spreads his wings and goes on an artistic rampage using the world as his canvas.  his shots are so visually unhinged and rich with color and imagination, it’s kind of amazing.  i’m not sure over-doing it exists in his world.  the sick shots are balanced out by the really sweet friendship between these two unlikely friends and the simply adorable child actor that plays the little girl.  the film is a tad too long and the visuals do indeed overdo it sometimes, like a woman that wears too much makeup, but overall i enjoyed this film.  3.5 stars.

Let The Right One In (2008) – swedish vampire film.  a spindly 12 year old victim of school bullies has an interesting new neighbor, a 12 year old vampire girl.  quick.  name the last good vampire movie you saw.  that’s a tough one right?  i can’t think of a single good vampire film for some reason.  The Hunger?  i don’t remember, that was so long ago.  i was killing myself trying to think of one, until i remembered that it’s all moot now, since this film unquestionably smashes all previous vampire films, in my mind, and is one of the most enjoyable films i’ve seen in a while.  it’s shot in a poor swedish neighborhood and removes all the sex and style of the traditional vampire film.  in fact, i’d say the vampire-ness of this film is extremely dialed down relative to the affectionate way the filmmaker presents the friendship between these two outcast “children”.  it’s a beautiful story told in simple tones.  i found it very interesting how the filmmaker took an obviously extravagant subject like vampires and superimposed it over a traditional story about adolescence rather than bend the movie around the vampire subject.  at its core, it really is a sweet story about friendship. there are no rock-n-ball disco-balling vampires here, just a girl that dresses like a hobo and lives in constant fear and sadness about the fact that she has to kill for a living.  throw in some genuinely creepy scenes, and a delicious yet somewhat bittersweet climax that hints at the film’s underlying complexity and you have yourself a winner.  in theaters now.  go see it.  (trailer)  4 stars.  (possibly more after i digest it.)

The Good The Bad The Weird (2008) – korean homage to sergio leone’s The Good The Bad and the Ugly directed by the same guy that did Tale of Two Sisters and A Bittersweet Life.  koreans generally don’t do grand epic scale films very well, imo.  (see Typhoon)  until now that is.  story: seemingly all of asia, including a good guy, a bad guy and a weird guy, is after some map that puts them on a chase across the asian desert in search of buried treasure.  very light as far as stories go, and The Good character, which is the traditional focal point of the spaghetti western, is actually the least interesting of the trio.  The Weird is by far the most entertaining and fulfilling character here.  actually i take that back, the action and scenic shots are the most entertaining and fulfilling elements here, moreso than any of the characters.  sprawling train robbery scenes and break neck horse races across the desert plains shot with a great style and pace.  quite fun.  in theaters soon.  4 stars.