September 3, 2009
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i have a new cube neighbor.
he’s a big black dude that seems friendly enough. he has an accent like he might be an islander? not sure. so yeah. he’s friendly, but maybe a little too friendly, if you ask me. he doesn’t butt in and demand attention or anything but if you start a conversation with him, forget it, son. you’re now his prisoner for at least the next twenty minutes. i made the mistake of introducing myself then i had to stand awkwardly, trying to run away from his droning monologue about where he came from, what he worked on, his opinions about the current new environment, why he doesn’t have a working computer, why he was invited to the manager’s meeting, what they said at the meeting, why he “tells it like it is”, what might happen with our present employer, etc. all that in one monologue — i can’t really call it a conversation because no one else really said another word once he got going — and he doesn’t really talk quickly either. just a constant on and on and on and on about whatever the fuck pops into his head. meanwhile, i’m trying not to develop leg cramps and exhaustion from standing so goddam long, and wondering if i really tried, like really tried my hardest, would i be able to propel my body through that window like they do in the movies? would he keep talking as i fell to my death?
so yeah. loquacious to say the least. he’s also one of those snot-heavy mouth-breathers. he must have some sinus issues because his head is always full of snot and he’s always breathing through his mouth. it’s kind of gross. he’s taller than me too so i can see straight up his nostrils and locate the dried up asteroids of boogy that pepper the rims of his nose. these sinus problems must be hell on whoever he lives with. i know this because he falls asleep every afternoon in his cube and he snores like a motherfucker. no one wakes him up, because it’s pretty damn hilarious if you ask me. we all just sit there and let him snore his ass away. yesterday, the customer manager walked in on him while he was snoring and she just started talking to him like nothing happened. he snapped up immediately and started replying back some non-answers, trying to play it off like he wasn’t just dreaming about naked fat chicks one full second ago.
one last thing about him, and this one is completely bizarre. he talks, like i said, with a slight islander accent. very slight, but it’s there. i think it’s islander. might be continental african. point being, it’s not american, it’s not european. one day i hear him on the phone and he’s spouting off some cockney london accent. !! the difference between that English accent and his normal speaking accent is so extreme, it’s clear that he’s play-acting to one of us, either us here at the office or whoever he was on the phone with. i mean it’s not like he’s speaking two different languages and has to do with what he’s taught. we all speak the same english so, wtf? i don’t know. you tell me. it’s weird.
Comments (3)
maybe he’s west indian? i guess you aren’t willing to ask him since he’ll just talk your ear off again.
he’s probably west indian who received some of his education in the UK. he might not be your cube neighbor for long if he keeps falling asleep on the job!
sounds about right. if he’s from the islands, he’s basically kinda country, and two things that u gotta know bout country people is as follows: a) country people love to talk. they love to talk about work, love, and life. they talk about being happy, sad, doubtful, and frustrated in one breath. 2) pay attention b/c this is the important one. country people love to talk.