August 4, 2009

• -  was i the only NY Giants fan secretly hoping Antonio Pierce gets indicted? 

  -  the girl i was asking about yesterday…  yeah i was asking for a friend.  or not.  or yes!  who knows?!  maybe me.  but definitely not you!  but yeah, things aren’t even going on that romantic angle there even remotely.  but The Friend is just wondering if his feelings might change if she sent out any signals, something we are pretty sure she has not done even in the slightest.  he’s not sure yay or nay, but just playing around with the possibility.  the answer came out decidedly no because there were no signals there whatsoever that he could detect and just needed some confirmation on that because he is, he admits, a fucking idiot when it comes to the women.

  did that make any sense?  basically, there are no feelings, possibly — but not definitively — because there are no signals. 

  but i guess the question comes up, is it real attraction if the guy needs a signal to be attracted?  very good question.  let’s think about this. 

  from the outside, my quick answer is no, it’s not true attraction to the other person if the guy needs a signal in order to get going in that direction.  a true, selfless attraction should exist whether it’s reciprocated or not.  is she not just as beautiful, funny, grounded, gentle, understanding and/or fun to be around regardless of whether she likes you back or not?  because if reciprocation is required to like someone else, i think that’s more evidence of love of self, or the ego, rather than love of someone else.  you like them because you like you and you like that they like you.  right? 

  BUT who doesn’t need a little nudge every now and then?  a little eye-opening elbow to the ribs.  because, let’s face it, in most cases, people like it when other people like them and this positively effects their opinions about the people that like them.  are we not more likely to defend a murderer, if we understand the murder to have taken place in our defense, even if our lives were never threatened?  to proclaim 100% objective judgment about people is inhuman on Howard Roark-ian levels.  we’re simply not built in that robotic way.  the nudge might be enough to set the wheels in motion, but not necessarily take over the conversation. 

  BUT isn’t our subjectivity a weakness that should be overcome in some cases?  the very nature of our subjectivity renders our conclusions temporary, because our subjective opinions change as our moods change.  as opposed to our objective conclusions that should only change as our understanding of the facts change.  in the case of boy and girl, the subjective opinion of the boy about the girl might change with the setting.  girl A might seem like awesome girlfriend material in the club where she looks like she’d be adventurous in bed, but she might seem like totally inappropriate gf material at home with the parents.  an objective analysis might serve us all better in the end to prevent impetuous disaster.

  you people with significant others.  how much of your current feelings for your partner would remain if you learned that they have no feelings for you anymore?  they changed in no other way other than to have cooled off on you completely.  they are still the same person in every other aspect.  once you’re over your hurt of rejection, would you (or have you) completely lose all interest or would you keep loving them from a distance? 

  • 9:41 am
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